Brokenbear:

My version of the judges' report based on my memory of the day's events...

It was a blistering sunny day out on the Playa. The runway was set,the crowd gathered and the judges took their places. Immediately, the Disorient camp went to work to make sure that all of the judges had whatever they wanted. And, by "whatever they wanted", I mean,whatever we wanted. Now, that would be considered bribery, but "bribery" is such an ugly word. It was more like "gifting".

So, the contestants strutted their stuff and Stacycats kept the crowd entertained and the judges watched as we sucked down Diorient's beer, smoked their cigarettes, used their van to pee... and I'm thinking that Playa Barbie has got this title.

Suddenly a guy from the Disorient camp came up to talk to me and the conversation went something like - "I'll give you whatever you want if she DOESN'T win. He was bribing us to see her lose." I don't remember what he looks like, except for brown hair and didn't catch a name. And, then he was gone.

Finally, we had to make a decision and I shared this information with Dr. Odd & Lucy (the judges closest to me) and we all had a good laugh. For a moment, we considered that possibility, but in the end Disorient was just way too generous and by a majority of the judge's "standards" - Playa Barbie took the title of Miss Black Rock City 2004

Smudge's report:

The day started off with Stacycats running around with her head cut off trying to locate this and that...By this point I'd already survived the prelims and the Miss Illumination event, and could deal with Stacycats' erratic behaviour.

There was some drama with the Disorient's generator malfunctioning, but as always, Disorient pulled through. Josh and others were great at keeping us up to date and helping everything run as smooth as possible.

We hung out in the Disorient dome for a while, taking refuge from the dust storm, peeling plastic off of tiara's and accepting bribes from contestants and their campmates.

For the event I sat next to Ruprick (Dafna). I hadn't met her before,but we got along great - we had a blast making fun of everyone. We were constantly offered bribes - alcohol, "that stuff we don't take", cigarettes, popcorn, you name it. It was sweet. I'd never felt so popular. I accepted all bribes (without really paying attention who gave them to me) and gave away the cigarettes to Stacycats and I traded my booze for other substances. Is it still a bribe if you don't follow through on what the briber requested from you?

Every once in a while, Ruprick would run across the stage banging a wooden spoon on a metal pot, yelling "Oklahoma, Oklahoma". I'm not sure of the origin of the this custom, but it definitely cracked me up.

I particpated in Miss @)$#'s "talent" by helping to hold up her volunteer's legs while a gynecological exam was preformed. An interesting experience to say the least.

I was actually going to vote against Playa Barbie (I think I was going to vote for Miss American Snatch) but Ruprick and I were still in the Goldberg's RV waiting to pee when the results were announced! We didn't even get to vote. Oh well...

O Man:

BeatDizzy:

I arrived at Disorient wearing my judge's regalia, suitably attired in a floor length evening gown and long white wig; it was 3pm (aka the crack of dawn). Thanks to the coffee in the café and the vodka in my bag I was upright.

The dome we congregated in had a few of the Disorient kids laid out on anti gravitational suspension seats, no doubt recovering from disorientation the night before. StacycatS and Smudge seemed to arrive at about the same time looking as fabulous if disorientated as the rest of us. StacycatS was in need of fortification and seemed pretty incapable of speech so we buggered off to a local RV for a quick Playa Style Pick Me Up (from here on to be known as PSPMU).

Thus armed we headed back to the dome to brave the day. The dust was swirling out on the playa, and the tiaras were glinting in the sunlight.

There was a rush of activity in the dome, the contestants blissfully fussed over ribbons, chains, leather trimmings, hair and of course their various postulating poses. Most of this activity passed me by as I was distracted by a very pretty disorient boy who was experiencing one form of god for the first time. Easily engrossed I played with him for a little while and then sent him out to play on the playa. To be honest I don't think he got terribly far. I returned to the fray as Smudge and I begged borrowed and stole some knives to get the plastic wrappings off a container load of tiaras.

It was in the procurement of the knives that we learnt the secret of the bribe. Sweetening the judges was a prerequisite. If you wanted your contestant to stand any decent chance with us - you had to make us happy. To be fair to the judges let us make note that we are not high maintenance. Luckily for us the lobbyists for each camp were vociferous. This power of the reward was then exploited to its full extent. During the course of the day I was offered art, various fungi, PSPMU, vitamin pills, popcorn and the 'Not that Pig' brew was flowing as fast as we could drink it. We had Lisa, Paula, Mr. Aviator Adam, O Man, BrokenBear, Dr. Odd and myself, and we like to drink.

The judges were sat behind the stage in a line and the audience stretched out into the playa. I have to admit that I missed quite a bit of what happened on the stage. I was far too distracted by all of the terribly hot half dressed Disorient boys who were plying me with the above. We had planned obsessively from the outset, so the point at which one looked around oneself and saw that each judge was in a worse / better state than you yourself, one realized that thanks to the foresight of DRS#4 Miss Black Rock City, everything was under control.

We did start scoring. I absolutely remember that part. But then we were totally distracted by the contestants. The amazing Miss PDF a.k.a. Miss @#$% had spread eagled a volunteer for a pap smear, in of course full Miss Not that Pig costume, (including all of the necessary sterilized accruements). The Amazing Miss American Snatch with the stilt costume of The Man flapping over us, her cooch was shaved into a perfect out line of the man, a detail I know a few of the Judges were able to over look in the scoring process. Miss Slack Harder Slacking so very arduously harder. StacycatS waved her scepter and made the contestants do just about anything she wanted. I don't actually remember seeing Miss Disorient on the stage until she shook her belly and her ass bootyliciously. It was around this point when the judges took a time out (aka trip to the RV for a PSPMU) that we all came to the conclusion that we LOVED DISORIENT. We loved the cute hot boys and girls, we loved the bribes, we loved the love and loved the bribes. Not one judge walked any where straight for a long, long time, or they were still walking after a very long, long time. Fondly remembering the love that Disorient shared either way.

It was with this fresh in what was left of our minds. We dug out the shard of cardboard, which held the collection of random vanities, the judges had scribbled on the contestants. Miss Disorient was written there in large letters. I think. If we ever did find a pen.

We, the judges, judged to the best of our ability, and Miss Disorient reigned.

At the end of the show, Miss Black Rock City 2004 was presented with a beautifully personalized tiara sporting, red headed, speared, doll head. scepter, it was a very moving.

Massive Props to Disorient for building a stage, setting a sound system up, and mixing it up. And they have all of those cute boys too.

MissStacycatS: